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Phoenix, Arizona, United States
Retro wifey, mommy to a princess, editor, PETA fanatic, and I Love Lucy!

Thursday, April 7, 2011


Where I have been?  I have so much to talk about and blog about!  Well, I guess it was God, father time, or something like that which stopped me dead in my tracks from work, being a mom, being a wife, blogging, Facebookin night and day (shhhhhh, I tell hubby that I'm really not on there all day), and most of all my SANITY....
It's not easy talking to strangers, friends, hell even family about your colon.  There, I said it!  Thank the Lord my husband has such a great sense of humor so that he can make some kind of light of it.

I'll be brief:  This isn't my first go-round with a fistula since I lost my gallbladder.  In fact, it's my 6th, no sorry I had another one the other day, 7th surgery for fistula tracts!! 

My general surgeon, also with a GREAT sense of humor, when I myself and all my family asked him, "why doctor, what is it, what can we do?"; his reply after about the 3rd one was, with humor, "I don't know, God is really punishing her for some reason." 

Unfortunately, I have let that ALWAYS be the reason without getting a second opinion or thinking otherwise about it, and then....it reoccurs.  No time-frame.  It's been a span of over 15 years now.  Some have been back to back, others have been years and years apart. 

This time the general surgeon took a much different approach after having sent me for a CT scan showing an internal mass surrounding a fistula.  He referred me immediately, the next day, to a colorectal surgeon, who graciously the first day did an immediate outpatient procedure that day to relieve the pressure, and then again one week later.  Fistulas are tricky suckers.  Painful as you know what! 

And though I prefer outpatient surgery for the fistula procedures (just local anesthetic), you can certainly feel the doctor digging about 8 inches adjacent to your colon leaving a huge gapping hole, that, of course, takes a long time to heal.  

He believes this was going to be the last outpatient surgery he will have to do; and with that said, I will be undergoing a colonoscopy with biopsy on April 18 at 7am at Banner Estrella Hospital.  Though I don't love being at the hospital, I do love Banner.....well, you guys know what I mean.


After the colonoscopy and biopsy return, we go from there.....For now, we wait with the "unknown."  So many things have been thrown at me that don't necessarily have anything to do with cancer such as Crohn's disease, IBS, ulcerative colitis, diverticulitis, diverticulosis.  There are endless things they are looking for or ruling out and ruling in, more or less. 

I have been told I can expect another surgery, inpatient this time with general anesthetic, in my future, however.

You know through all the stress on both me and hubby right now, me filing FMLA, it taking a toll on our income, my "mood swings," the HARDEST part for me is not feeling like I'm being there enough for Destini.  Daddy has taken over mommy and daddy when he is not at work.  I feel guilty.  If he feeds her dinner, that's my job.  When he bathes her at night now, that's my job.  There's just always been certain things that I ALWAYS DO FOR HER.  She loves to play in our bed, so I know she gets a part of me all day, but this is so unfair to her for mommy to be sick.

Unfortunately, we don't have a whole lot of people in our life that Destini knows well enough to ease the burden of my guilt.  I think this taught me a lesson that I need to make the choices for Destini to let her be around other children.  I've smothered her (for reaons that are clear to most my motives behind that), but I don't want her to grow up to be bratty around other children and other grown adults.  The other day her uncle came by to see us, but she cried and cried just as he started to reach for her.  I don't want her to be like that, and seriously ALL she has is Me and Bug.  I am a control freak about Destini.  That's probably not going to change a whole heck of a lot, but I could be more active in letting her play with others and be around some of my extended family so that she gets to know them and allow them to love her as much as Bug and I do!



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