About Me

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Phoenix, Arizona, United States
Retro wifey, mommy to a princess, editor, PETA fanatic, and I Love Lucy!

Wednesday, June 30, 2010



I'm not a stupid girl. I definitely knew that the process would be just that...A PROCESS! It's easy to hide your own pain and smile when someone has a new baby, or when someone becomes a new grandparent, or you see a baby here, there and pretty much everywhere, because who doesn't love a baby? It seems like everybody and their brothers, mothers, sisters, cousins, uncles and aunties have kids, but not me...

I have experienced the joy of hearing a doctor say to me, "your pregnant," only to miscarry, not once but twice. The second time I laid on the couch for about 2 months and just cried and cried, didn't want to work, didn't want to talk to anybody, didn't want to see anybody, just watched TV. I really had myself one BIG PITY PARTY! And the funny thing is, not my husband, not my mother, not my sister, not my friends, nobody not one time said to me get up and stop this. They just let me be me. Ultimately, they knew I would "snap back," and I did. Then, at that point, I was pretty sure I didn't want to have any children. I couldn't bear the pain of miscarrying. My husband was always on the stance of if we do, we do...if we don't, we don't! He always knew my own personal health played a role and he was okay either way...

Flash forward 10 years later and along comes a "spider." I call her a spider (I can't use her real name) because the pain she caused me was like you have been bitten by the biggest ugliest spider, only she bit through to my heart which is the hardest part of the body to heal from pain. It seemed all good at first, so I thought. Here was a young pregnant girl who needed us and maybe we needed her. Do I want to raise a child?!? These maternal instincts took over my mind and body. All seemed well, she didn't want to be a mom and I kinda did. For the first time, however, Junebug was skeptic! He's never skeptic. He's a go-for-it, jump your feet in first kinda guy, always sees his glass as half full. If you like it, he LOVES IT! But not soooooo much this time. He actually did foresee what I did not. Now I was questioning myself...hmmmm, was I being stupid, naive? I took the spider to her doctor appointment (she was about 4 months along at that point and we knew already it was a girl). This was my first trip with her to the doctor. When we arrived to the office, her doctor was located in the Muhammad Ali Parkinson's Disease building adjacent to Barrow's Neurological Institute and St. Joesph's Hospital (where I was born). Coincidence that I just lost my mother to Parkinson's Disease? Fate? Her doctor was on the 5th floor. As soon as we stepped off the elevator, my heart stopped beating!! There is a mural directly on the wall as you get off the elevator.  The mural was a faint picture of Muhammad Ali saying, "Parkinson's Disease, We Must Find A Cure." I walked into the doctor office like a blubbering idiot, or so they thought. I knew right then that my mom had brought me here, and this was meant to be!!!

After much ado, I prevailed and won over the hubby too. In the end, it was to be that the spider would go to college on our dime AND we would raise the baby. My husband named her Destini the next week....

Now preparing for Destini!!! Holy crap! We spared no expense. We wanted her to have anything and everything that we could afford and more. We shopped and we shopped and we shopped, until her room was perfect...

When Destini was born, it was a planned birthday. At spiders last appointment, she was so incredibly miserable and the doctor said we can take her now, pick a day. We chose October 3, 2009. Things went so smooth, it was too much like right. In the delivery room was hubby and I, my sister Pam, and my sister in law Yolanda. Spider was texting while pushing (LITERALLY); not real interested in giving birth!!! I know right?  We have pictures of her texting while giving birth, no joke; BUT obviously I cant show them.  Happy Birthday Destini....

It was around day #3 I was beginning to smell a problem, a BIG PROBLEM! I could tell all of a sudden we had a completely different attitude from spider girl. Very resistant, very standoffish, major attitude! I told Junebug that I was scared. We brought Destini home, but by day #11 the spider ripped her away from our lives. No paperwork was signed, there was nothing we could do! She was leaving and taking Destini...

My husband closed up Destini's room. I spent the next 3-1/2 months crying for her.

When Destini was 4 months old, spider shows up AGAIN and was struggling, needed a break.  Everything we knew would happen if she tried it on her own.  We took Destini for a month with the hopes that we would be keeping her FOR GOOD. Our thought process has always been, THIS IS DESTINI'S HOME! As soon as spider got an attitude, she ripped her away again. Destini is now 9 months old and out there living from pillar to post.  I'm going to always believe in my heart that Destini will be home with us one day. We will NEVER give up....

Believe it or not, the second time she took Desi (we call her Desi) away from us, I was expecting it deep down inside. It still hurt, but that spider bite wasn't quite as hard to take this second go-around. Well, at least not for me. I had noooooooo idea, though, that this time Junebug was hurting so badly. His feelings for this little girl had become so intense. He loves her so much and this time HIS heart was way involved.

This time I didn't mourn for her. I decided I was ready to put anything on the line, ANYTHING, to go back to the doctor and have a baby of our own!!! And today, we are full-blown, full-speed ahead in the process of doing everything possible for a successful invitro fertilization. 

Lifestyle change has been the HARDEST part of what this process involves. Not just your body, diet, exercise, etc., but also very much your mindset as well. My doctor said, "you need to rid yourself of mental stresses during this process." That was hard choices. HARDEST OF ALL! Freeing my mind was going to affect others....
Well the romance is definitely gone!! My husband has to watch me pee on a stick before we have sex, that's pretty much a mood kill. Yeah, prolly too much information right? I know it seems like okay why cant we just go straight to invitro? I didn't understand all the in-betweens. Well the in-betweens are really important to successful invitro, and timing, timing, timing is everything with ovulation! Suck it up men, my poor husband has had to listen to words he never imagined in his wildest dreams. In his neighborhood in Pasadena, where he comes from, girls got pregnant on accident, NOT on purpose! He never imagined he would be sitting in a waiting room at the infertility doctor's office trying to create a life.  LUV YA HONEY ♥ 


My sister got a huge surprise last week! Her and some of her other office staff were treated to a day at the Arizona Diamondbacks game. Luxury box, catered, et al. My sister loves her Diamondbacks. Her and my mom shared that real passion. We are all fans, but her and mom had a special place for the Diamondbacks. Mom loved to go to the games with her and my brother-in-law. Mom was a major Randy Johnson fan. My sister was a major Luis "Gonzo" Gonzalez fan. When they won the World Series, my sister and my mom bought everything in the stores that said Arizona Diamondbacks on it. My sister was Gonzo'd down!!! Even after he left Arizona, she followed him everywhere (not stalking type behavior mind you). Well.....at the game last week, WHAT A SURPRISE FOR HER.....Can u tell she's nervous?

I stink at buying watermelons, but when I can drag hubby to the grocery store with me....he's got that special "knock" on the watermelon and picks a goodie every time.  This was our first this summer and he did a great job again.....it tastes sooooooooo sweet.  Hopefully I can stick to the fruit this summer and not so much sugary sweets.  NOT GONNA BE EASY!

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